Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Letter to Myself

This time last year, I was confined to my bed anticipating the birth of my boys. God had other plans though, because in 5 short days, my world would change.

If I could write a letter to myself one year ago, it would go a little something like this:

Dear Jenn,

Your life is about to drastically change. In five more days, two perfect little men are going to enter your life and you’re going to become what you’ve always wanted to be: a mom. Enjoy these last quiet moments with Justin and let him know how much you love and appreciate him. Quit complaining about bed rest and try to soak in these last few moments that your babies are nestled inside of your belly. You are really going to miss feeling them move inside of you. Believe it or not, you’re actually going to miss that huge belly too.

You aren’t going to make it until your scheduled c-section, so the time you think you have to apply makeup before heading to the hospital doesn’t exist. I promise that your babies won’t care if you have mascara on or not…you’re going to cry it all off anyway. The outfit you wear to the hospital after your water breaks isn’t terribly cute (especially with a bath towel wrapped around your waist), so don’t bother setting aside a cute “hospital arrival outfit.”

Your delivery will go very smoothly, so don’t worry about it. Don’t be scared when you see the NICU nurses take Luke away. He’s going to be okay. Enjoy the quiet moments with little Nolan because when he gets bigger, he is going to be quite the noise-maker.

Before you arrive home from the hospital with Nolan, be sure to have extra batteries for the flashlight lying around. The day you bring him home, the electricity will go out and it will be hard for you to make your very first bottle at home in a dark kitchen while your sweet newborn is screaming in the other room.

You will be very emotional for the first couple of months, so be prepared. Frustration and tears may come easily, but you will pull through with help from your family and friends. Feeding the boys by yourself during the day while Justin is at work will be hard, but it gets easier with time. I promise.

Your tiny little babies will grow quickly. You will look back at pictures with tears in your eyes because you can't believe that your once-pudgy little angels will thin out from walking around your house. Walking will come too quickly. You will forget what it will be like when they roll across the blanket just to be next to you. Hearing your boys say "mama" will be like music to your ears. Having your babies give you "nosey" kisses will sometimes be the highlight of your day. Hold on to each and every one of these moments. Remember how you feel when they circle your neck with their soft arms. It will feel amazing. You'll love it.

Imagine all of the love you have in your heart today. It will be amplified in the coming months. Your love will grow by the minute for all three of your men. The appreciation you have for your parents will grow exponentially. Your little sister won't be just that any more; she'll will give you support & love. She'll help you and Justin tremendously.

Aaaah, Justin; the man who started it all. There wouldn't be twenty little toes to kiss every day if it weren't for him. You will fall in love with him all over again once you see how sweet and caring he can be with his sons. Be sure to let him know how much you appreciate him.

Lastly, enjoy mommyhood! Sometimes there is a lot to complain about: lack of sleep; feeding frustration; logistic issues; babies who remove their diapers & poo on the floor (just happened this weekend!!); whining; fighting; biting. But guess what?? When the end of the day arrives and your little ones are stumbling around and laying their heads in your lap because they are sleepy, you'll forget all about your frustration. Scoop those little guys up and whisper to them how much you love them and know...they love you too.

The Beatles said it best:

You'll never know how much I really love you.
You'll never know how much I really care.

Do you want to know a secret?,
Do you promise not to tell?, whoa oh, oh.

Let me whisper in your ear,
Say the words you long to hear,
I'm in love with you.


Shell said...

Absolutely beautiful!

snhg1129 said...

That brought a tear to my eye! The day after Luke and Nolan were born my little Ethan was born. I miss the baby he once was but am really enjoying this time as a young, and I look forward to watching him grow into a man..

Ann On and On... said...

That is very sweet. You have really taken the time to appreciate all the little things.

Rebekah said...

I've got tears streaming down my face. So beautiful. I can't believe your little guys are almost 1! They are such a sweet blessing to you and Justin!

Jennifer said...

Awww...that was beautiful. I'm crying now. What a great idea.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

aaaah, beautiful post.

I love these but somehow I can't do them - too practical I guess?

And seriously, poop nappies on the floor???? What did you do????

Rebecca said...

Awwww...I love this!

The first year with twins is so hard...I'm just glad that I'm almost through my second too! Amazing, right?

You're so right about the time with Husband...where do all my minutes go?

ashley said...

Awww, that was so sweet. If we only knew now what we didn't know then. I think that's a right of passage, taking the diaper off and going poo on the floor. :)

Kristine said...

Seriously, Jenn! I am a huge mushball of tears right now!

You are so wise to be writing these memories down because you DO forget over time. I always mean to do these things and then months go by and it never gets done, or is so "after the fact" that I can't detail the memory clearly.

My babies are 3 1/2 now and I am mourning that this is my last "baby" summer. They start preschool (albeit, part time) in the fall and school will become more and more of a presence as we go on. I can't even imagine what I will be like for kindergarten!

Angie said...

Just like many of your readers before me, I'm crying as I read your post. It's a beautiful tribute to your boys & husband. You should print this one out and keep it in their baby books.

Beth said...

Wow, so sweet. I'm choked up!

Jenifer said...

I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. That was very sweet. Our boys are 6 months today and I can not believe how fast the time flies. I can't wait to see pics from their Birthday party.

Meant to be a mom said...

How sweat and neat of you to do that. I love the idea.

Mitzi G. said...

You have me crying at work!! Beautiful!

Laura said...

Such a sweet letter! I'm choked up over here too!