Wednesday, April 21, 2010

How Infertility Affected Me

A silly movie got me thinking about how infertility has affected my life. I just caught 'Baby Mama' on television the other day and I thought about the first time I saw it in the theatre with my mom & Melissa as I was in the midst of my struggle with infertility. It was a comedy, but I cried through a good portion of the movie. This is the state of frustration, desperation, anger and hopefulness I was in. I was on the verge of tears all.the.time.

I think that just about everyone knows somebody who has struggled with infertility; even if they don't realize it. It was my experience, after all of the treatment, that I didn't really have any people I could confide in. Someone who was in the same boat I was. People just don't talk about it openly. I did have my mom, mom-in-law and best friend who were wonderful listeners, but I really needed to connect with someone who was experiencing the same thing I was. This is why I turned to blogging.

My blog was such an incredible outlet for me to get my thoughts and frustrations out. I then began "meeting" other bloggers who were going through the same thing I was. I can't even begin to tell you what a comfort this was to me. Just having someone to talk to who had first-hand knowledge about what I was going through was so helpful. I owe so much to these women.

Infertility still affects me. It affects me even with my two beautiful children smiling up at me. I still think about what we had to endure just to have them and what it will be like when we think about adding another brother or sister to our little family. I will definitely do it all over again in a heartbeat, but it is still heavy on my heart. It was such a stressful time in our lives, but it brought Justin and I closer. He patiently and lovingly held my hand while we sat in the RE's office waiting to be seen. He politely folded my jeans while I laid on the RE's table week after week. He never once complained about having to see a urologist or providing specimens for the doctors. He picked me up after a year and a half of let-downs and comforted me when I was a crying mess. I honestly never thought that infertility would affect my marriage, but it did. It affected it in a positive way and I now feel like we can withstand just about anything that can be thrown at us.

Since I've started my blog & have been very open about my infertility, I have had a few real-life friends reach out to me with their struggles. I hope that I am able to offer them some comfort and support. I am happy to say that two of those friends have even seen my RE, and both are due in August!

I hope that other women will be open with their friends and family in the hopes that they may offer a little bit of advice and comfort to someone who may really need it. You don't necessarily have to start a blog to be helpful. Sometimes all it takes is a friendly ear.


Cassie said...

I'm so sorry that was something you've struggled with, but I appreciate all you've shared through your situation.

My husband and I have been waiting for 9 months now. My doctor has already set an appointment for us in July if we aren't successful by then. She continues to tell us we're perfectly healthy and that sometimes it just takes time. I'm sure this is the case in some situations, but it doesn't make it any easier to wait. I could only hope it's just taking time, nothing more.

Thank you for continuing to share such private parts of your life. It's encouraging and like always, your boys bring a smile to my face.

Rebecca said...

I totally know what you mean about it bringing your marriage closer...the same thing happened to us. I think it's one of those things that will either drive you apart or stick you together...I'm stuck...and loving it. Congrats to your friends...if we could only get my sister (sick with lupus) pregnant, I'll be happy...that and if insurance companies start covering infertility regularly.

Tracy said...

Well said, Jen. Brought tears to my eyes when I read this.

Meant to be a mom said...

I couldn't agree with this post more. Its as if I wrote it myself. I too cried the first time I saw baby mama. Even though it was funny. I also am closer to my hubby and have a great family and friends system, however needed someone who Knew what I was feeling, and who was also going through these things. I'm glad we all found each other.
We will struggle forever, well most of us will, especially us pcos girls. That just never seems to go away.