Thursday, March 11, 2010

Hey Jealousy

I am sitting on the floor with my boys. One is twirling my ponytail around his little fingers and babbling happily in my ear. The other is smiling at his brother while playing patty cake with mommy. Our dog is lying at my feet and the birds are chirping on the window sill. All is peaceful and copacetic.

If only.

I may be sitting on the floor with the boys and things may might be peaceful for a while, but the green monster rears its ugly head at some point. You can rest assured that if Luke is playing hide-and-seek with mommy, Nolan wants in on it. If I'm rolling around on the floor with Nolan while Luke is bouncing in the jumperoo, Luke cries until I roll around with him. Then, on cue, Nolan begins to cry because I'm now playing with Luke. You get the point.

The strangest time that they want attention from me is during diaper changes. You wouldn't believe the contortionist act I pull when I'm changing a diaper! I've got to simultaneously change a poopy diaper, wipe and try to prevent that baby from rolling away while his brother is trying to tackle either myself or his brother. Someone almost always ends up crying (including me - just kidding).

I always end up feeling like the bad guy for not being able to give one child undivided attention. They both deserve it, but I am only one person. God did bless me with two arms to hold both boys, but it's not so easy to hold a wobbly 23 pound child while his brother is crying, yanking on my hair and clinging to my back. Believe me, nothing would make me happier than sitting around all day holding my boys, but there is lunch to be made, mass amounts of formula to mix & bottles galore to wash. I can only imagine what moms of triplets go through. God didn't give them three arms.

How do parents of multiples deal with jealousy - especially at such a young age? Is there even an answer to that question? An eight month old can't grasp the concept of sharing toys, let alone sharing mommy, so is the answer just to deal with their tears?

I would love to hear your suggestions or maybe even your experiences with this. Thanks!

13 comments:

Kristi H said...

If your boys are anything like my girls, they will eventually ditch the idea of wanting Mommy and choose their sibling instead! They will play together for hours with or without me right there. I guess it started when they became more mobile... and realized that there are more exciting things in the house besides Mommy! Wherever they are in the house, they are always together!

Shell said...

It's hard to handle correctly. You just do what you can. :)

Mitzi G.!! said...

See and I thought I had it bad...I only have the one so I don't have any advise other than you are not the "bad guy", you are the good mom & they both know that & will grow to understand the sharing thing:)

Hang in there...((hugs))

Meant to be a mom said...

Thats so hard. I would assume as they get older and you don't have to do everything for them. You can all do more together at the same time and they won't be as jealous! But I truly don't know. Lets hope.

Erin said...

Well, my boys will be 2 in a week, and we still have jealousy issues. They both want my undivided attention, and that's obviously not possible. For example, they both want to sit in my lap while we read a book. Fine, I sit cross-legged on the floor and put each boy on one leg. That works for approximately 2 seconds until they each clamor for the "prime spot" in center, and push each other, kick, hit, etc in order to push the other out. There really isn't a lot that I can do about it at this point, other than to make a point to spend time with each one individually ...

SafeHomeHappyMom said...

I am now following your blog from a late Friday Follow. This is a neat and chic blog, I will be reading up more. You can also follow me at www.safehomehappymom.com i'm sure you will like it too.

Blessing @ Safe Home Happy Mom

Eclipsed said...

Happy Friday Follow! I have a lonely only right now, but maybe in a few years you would have figured out a solution and you can let me in on it.

dustinnikki said...

Hi, Happy Follow Friday! I'm your newest follower!

http://dustinnikki.blogspot.com/

Nicole

My 4 year old is jealous of his baby brother. It's a struggle most days. I'm not really sure what to do about it myself but to just do what I can to help the situation.

MageeMommy said...

wow! TWINS! I can't imagine because I just have one so far and one on the way. It must be a challenge!!!

Visiting from Follow Friday and now following your blog. :)
MageeMommy
http://mageebaby.blogspot.com

Natalie A. said...

Hello! I'm just stopping by for a visit! Keep on doing the great job you are doing! I hope you get some great advice!!

Mindy said...

I am a SAHM with fraternal twins, too. Jack and Ben are 10 months old and behave much like your boys do! Ben is more like Nolan (I think,) since he's so social; he follows Jack wherever he goes and doesn't want mommy to go very far. Jack, on the other hand, is much more independent and can entertain himself for longer periods of time; he seems more like Ryan. The days where I can't get anything done are frustrating, to say the least - with four little hands grabbing at me and pulling for my attention, I counte the hours until my husband comes home! I'm finding that if I am proactive about playing with Ben, though, actually sitting down to play with him, that seems to appease him a bit more. I've also found that if I'm changing a diaper, I not only give him something to keep him occupied during the diaper change (i.e. a book, a clean diaper, rings, etc.) but I also set up his brother with something to entertain him as well. It's never easy. We have TWO babies!! But being a little more proactive about keeping them occupied has helped make my life a bit easier! :) Good luck!

Mindy
http://minuteformom.blogspot.com

Mindy said...

Not Ryan... I meant LUKE. :)

Megan said...

As a fellow mommy pf twins, I love reading your blog :)