Monday, September 8, 2008

Re-focus

I had an HSG in July so I had to go to the hospital to have it done. Justin came with me that day and as we were waiting in line at the office reception area, my aunt, who works at a doctor’s office a few blocks away, just happened to have been in the hospital at that moment on her way to the cafeteria for lunch. She approached Justin and I and very excitedly asked if we were having a baby. I felt like I was just punched in the gut and words completely failed me at that moment. Justin stepped in and told her that I was just there for testing. I could tell that she felt pretty bad about asking me – probably because I was almost in tears, but she went on her way and I went to have the procedure done.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but after reflecting on the whole situation, I’ve come to realize that I was actually embarrassed. None of the women in my family have ever had any problems with conceiving (except for my one, dear aunt L) so I know that they can’t relate to me or understand why I could ever feel the way I do. They could never understand why I feel the need to hide my arms in the middle of the summer because they’re bruised from having so much blood work or why I feel guilty for having a glass of wine after my IUI. Most of all, I hate pretending to some people that it’s no big deal that we don’t have any children yet; but it really is a big deal to me.

From now on I’m going to try my hardest to remain positive and look on the bright side of things: I have an amazing husband who I get to spend a lot of undivided time with. We go on great vacations, we enjoy skiing in the winter, going down the shore in the summer and spending time with our goofy dog. My parents, in-laws, brothers, sister and sister-in-law are the best and are always here for me no matter what is going on. My best friend, Chica is simply the most caring and thoughtful person I know. She gives it to me straight, but is sympathetic when she needs to be.

I do have a lot of wonderful people in my life and although I’d like to add one more wonderful person to my life, I’m going to really let the others know how important to me they all are.

4 comments:

Hoping to make it three!! said...

I totaly understand what you mean. I feel embarrased about the whole thing too even though i know it isn't something I can control. As much as your friends and family want to, they just cannot understand what you are going through unless they have experienced it. I also have wonderful friends and family and I love them all dearly, but I feel like a part of my life is missing. ughhhh it's so hard sometimes...
I am thinking about you and wishing you tons of luck during your two week wait!! I hope this is it for you guys!

Tab said...

Good attitude...I love it!

stacey said...

Aww, you have such a great attitude. This will happen for you!

Emily said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment!

This is a great post and I also hate pretending the most too...

GL on your journey!